Does Motherhood Make You Feel Like A Failure?

Does Motherhood Make You Feel Like A Failure?

Before I tell you why I sometimes feel like a failure as a mother, I want to start by telling you that I would not change it for the world. My three boys are my life and I love them more than anything. I cannot think of a single thing in my life that compares to being a mom.

Prior to having my kids I was always very busy. I liked being busy and productive every day. I had a full-time job that I enjoyed. At the time we only had 2 dogs and were newlyweds. My husband Jeff and I were always on the go. We were spontaneous and loved going away on weekends.

I loved having a clean house, and completing DIY projects on our home with my husband. My favorite pastime was reading and couponing and I honestly enjoyed that time to myself.

I thought back then that our lives were busy, and it was hard to find time to fit everything in… I was wrong… Now that we have kids I do not know what I did with SO much free time before. How could I have thought that we were busy back then?!?

“The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.” – Jessica Lange

Once our first son arrived I realized that I would not have as much free time as before, but I still tried to do EVERYTHING that I did prior to having a baby.

I am a huge list-maker. I like to make a to-do list everyday {which I still do now} with things that need to be done and then things I would like to get done. If I do not write it down then I will definitely forget about it. Usually I just use the ‘notes’ in my cell phone to keep track of anything I need to get done.

After Connor was born I still tried to keep up with everything. Not only was I exhausting myself but it was just unrealistic. He was colic, so I was actually sitting at home with a crying baby that I could not help. It was hard! I had a rough time thinking about all the tasks that I could be completing but was not. As a mom, I felt like I was doing the best I possibly could but everything else in my life was failing.

Then, Mason came along, 14 months later, and I truly had to accept that I would not be able to get things done  every day. It was ok if the house was not spotless. It was ok if the dishes did not get done.

 

This made me feel like a failure

 

I am a very organized person and my life was now disorganized and un-productive. I thought I was busy when we only had 1 child, I was WRONG yet again.

Now, as I am writing this we just had our third child, Evan, two weeks ago. This time around I know I cannot and will not complete everything on my to-do list and I am ok with it. I now have 3 priorities in my life and love every second of it. I have accepted that my time is better well spent playing with trucks and coloring than it is cleaning a bath tub, doing laundry or re-organizing our closets.

It feels like our lives have been put in fast-forward and everything is going too fast, I do not want to miss out on any of my kids milestones or miss the little moments that count the most.

Yes, it would be nice to be doing more activities like I did before I had children. It is sometimes difficult to grasp that my only job right now is to be a mom {and a blogger}. My entire life I always had numerous part-time jobs that made me feel good about myself because I was working to contribute to our household. Not that money should matter because I contribute in so many other ways now, but it also makes me feel like a failure some days because I am not helping to provide for my family.

I will say that I do still make every effort to be “that mom” who can accomplish everything. I try not to compare myself to moms that seem to have it all together because it just makes me feel like I am failing again.

I would love to hear your thoughts on motherhood and how it changed your life or if you agree with me, please share in the comments below.

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